The recliner incident

The past two weeks past in a blur of back to school and edits and random need-to-dos, and honestly, I have no idea where the time went.

But I’m back and today I’m posting the follow up to Barth the Moo and his panty-liners, and how “I” almost became a murderer.

***.

Once settled in one of the guest’s suite, I headed to join the family and friends gathered in the patio, passing by aunt Crozella’s relaxation room. I ducked my head inside, found it empty.

Five minutes, I told myself.

I’d been sitting in the comfortable recliner for almost half an hour, watching some classic show I didn’t know the name of when I picked the wrong remote and clicked. Instead of the channels switching, the chair behind me began to vibrate and undulate. Delighted, I forgot about the bad show, leaned my head back so my neck could benefit from the massage and moaned with pleasure. After my long flight and sweaty, horrifying drive with Barth the Moo and his scented panty liners, I really needed this.

As if my thoughts had conjured the guy, I heard him call my name, his voice so close. Alarmed, I closed my eyes just as his steps stopped at the door.

“Hey,” he said, but I didn’t reply.

In hindsight, I should’ve paused the massage, maybe even turned off the TV. Still, , nothing would’ve prepared me for what Barth did next.

Moving closer, he tried again, “you asleep?”

I swallowed my “duh” and suppressed the need to roll my eyes, as well as prevent a groan of gratitude from escaping when the back of the recliner changed into a rhythmic percussion.

“It’s a seizure!” he shouted, and startled, my reactions were two seconds too slow. I suddenly found myself dragged to the floor with Barth over me, one hand – thankfully without any panty liner – holding my head sideways.

Before I could say anything, Barth had the audacity of shoving two meaty fingers into my mouth and pinning my tongue.

“Uhmmmmmmmmm” I tried buckling, but all I accomplished was getting Barth to pin my legs down with his knee. In the back of my mind, I was pretty sure he was doing it all wrong.

“Call for an ambulance!” Barth shouted, and soon a stampede of running feet approached.

“Uhmmmmm!”

“It’s a seizure!” Barth shouted to whoever reached the relaxation room first.

I tried moving my head to see who had come and plead for mercy with my eyes. Barth shouted, “see how her eyes are pin wheeling! Call the ambulance!”

And Victor, the good Samaritan he was, dialed 911 while everyone piled around me. I let myself go limp, hoping someone would have the good sense to pull Barth off of me – and keep him far, far away until my murderous urges have passed. I’d never live this one down, I was sure of it.

**Did you miss the previous piece and the panty liner incident? Check it out here: https://authorsinspirations.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/pun-fun-and-carefree/

Hope you had fun!

56 Replies to “The recliner incident”

  1. This is absolutely hysterical. Can’t wait for part 3.

    Is this fiction or true story? Or BOATS? Because I see that you told Laurie that the story is “brewing” in your head, yet I thought you said the first part REALLY happened.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. God, it’s fiction – both of them. The first one was inspired by a panty liner add I came upon – I only saw the ‘absorbent sanitary napkin’ at first and thought it was some sort of anti-bacterial tissue or something. this second one’s been sitting for about two weeks in my doc folder. I have the last one ready *part 5 or 6* , and am mulling over part 3.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Loved this one! By the by, have you considered trying the freebie version of Grammarly? I find it’s excellent for catching minor glitches and punctuation wobbles in my stuff. Works with Gmail, too. [Full disclosure: I’m not connected to Grammarly in any way. I just like their free product!]

    Liked by 3 people

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